The Adventures of Kankuro and Kiba
by Jesshiku-chan
Summary: A random, funny story about the adventures of Kankuro and Kiba, the best of friends. Really funny! Please read!
1. Search for the Mountain of Lost Plushies

**I do not own Naruto...yada yada...**

**The Adventures of Kankuro and Kiba: **

**Chapter 1: Search for the Mountain of Lost Plushies**

"Right here. This is the map."

"…To the fabled mountain of lost plushies?"

"Yes, Kankuro. Are you prepared to embark on this dangerous mission?"

"…Sure," he answered indifferently.

"Oi, what are you boys doing in the dark?"

Kiba and Kankuro blinked their eyes a few times, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness of the room. They turned to see Temari standing at the door, hand still on the light switch.

"Temari, turn off that light!" yelled Kankuro.

"Not till you tell me what you're doing."

"YOUR FACE! OH!" shouted Kiba, pointing at Temari.

"You're doing my face…?"

"Oi…you make it sound wrong."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So, what are you doing?"

"None of your business," growled Kankuro.

"Is this some kind of cult I should know about?"

"No! We're trying to find the mountain of lost plushies!"

Blink Blink.

"Nani?"

"Nothing! Shouldn't you be making out with Shikamaru or something?"

"Ooooooo!" Kiba whistled, "Dis!"

"Actually, I could use a good make-out session right about now. See you later."

The two stunned boys watched as Temari walk out of the room, dimming the light on her way out.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

"Um…"

"Yeah…"

"Anyway, back to the quest, Kankuro."

Kiba rolled up the map and placed it in a bag while Kankuro grabbed things like food. By food I mean junk- chocolate, chips, gum, soda- anything a teenage boy would consider sustenance. The puppet master placed all these 'necessary' items into Kiba's satchel bag. Kankuro then hung his video camera around his neck and they were ready to go…or so they thought.

"Okay! Let's go, Kiba!"

"Wait! Kankuro, we're forgetting something!"

"Nani?"

"This."

The Inuzuka walked over to a table and picked up two Indiana Jones-like hats. He handed one to Kankuro, who then sweat-dropped immensely.

"Kiba…"

"Nani! We **_need_** the hats!"

"If you say so…"

"See! Even Akamaru has one," declared Kiba, pointing to the floor in front of him.

Kankuro looked down and sure enough, there was Akamaru, tail wagging and raring to go; small explorer's hat placed on his little dog head.

Silence…

"We never speak of this again," commanded Kankuro.

"But what if we discover the mountain of lost plushies…?"

"…Then only tell about the good parts."

"…"

"…"

"Let's go."

"Arf!"

…………………………………………..

* * *

…………………………………………..

It was night and their search for the mountain of lost plushies had led the dog-nin and puppet master to the Hyuuga compound, in front of Neji's shed.

Kankuro held up one finger, then two, then three. One, two, three; they snuck through the bushes and rolled out. When they stood up they were back-to-back standing in front of the shed.

"Okay this is it. You ready, pal?" asked Kiba.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"I was talking to Akamaru."

"…"

"…"

"I knew that."

They separated (remember they were back-to-back) and took a few steps closer to the shed.

"Are you ready, buddy?"

"…"

"I was talking to you this time."

"…"

"…"

"Again, I knew that."

Then there was silence, except for the sound of crickets and the occasional chirping of birds. Akamaru walked casually over to the shed and started scratching the door with his front paws, whimpering as a sign for Kiba to open it.

"Shall I just open the door then?" asked Kiba, turning to Kankuro.

"Yes…Do that."

Kiba nodded and took a few steps forward, closing the gap between him and the shed. He reached out his hand and let it hover over the doorknob for a few moments while he gulped.

Ba dum. Ba dum. Oh, feel the anxiety. Aren't you just dying to know what happens? Well guess what. He opened the door and…YOUR FACE! OH!...Just kidding…

He opened the door and…

KABOM!

Hundreds of plushies tumbled out, crushing Kankuro, Kiba, and Akamaru in an avalanche of cute fluffiness! I'm NOT kidding this time. Plushies of all shapes and sizes exploded out of the overcrowded shed.

"AHHHHH!" screamed Kiba.

"HOLY!" yelled Kankuro.

Both their voices were muffled by the massive weight of the plushies on top of them.

A hand popped out of the mountain of plushies, soon followed by Kankuro's head. He gasped for breath.

"I see the light! Kiba, where are you! Help! Somebody----Ooooooo! A plushie of me! Awwwww! I'm so kawaii!" cooed Kankuro.

Kiba's head popped out of Plushie Mountain.

"What are you talking about, man! You are Kankuro of the Village Hidden in Sand. YOU DON'T THINK THINGS ARE CU—OH MY GOSH! IT'S ME! I'm just so cute! C-U-T-E! Oooo and Akamaru too!"

"Arf! Arf!" Akamaru swam around in the plushies. Kiba started doing the backstroke.

"Wee!"

"Ooo! There's a Shikamaru plushie and a Gaara plushie and a Lee plushie and a—," exclaimed Kankuro, but was cut off by Kiba.

"Dude, join the swim! It's a beautiful day!"

"But it's 12:46a.m…," stated Kankuro.

"OH MY GOSH! Really! My mom's going to kill me!"

"Can I sleep over tonight?"

"If I'm still alive, then sure."

"Yay! A night without Temari or Gaara!"

"I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have seen Temari tonight anyway..."

"Nani?...Oh…OHHHH! EWW! Gosh! Kiba," Kankuro shook his head, blushing slightly, "I don't need that image in my head!"

"Gomen. Anyway, take note of this spot, Kankuro. I need the exact latitude and longitude!"

"But we only need the relative location if we plan on coming back…The Hyuuga Compound in front of Neji's shed…"

"I SAID EXACT LOCATION! DAMMIT, KANKURO, DON'T CONTRADICT ME!"

"Okay! Okay! So what are the coordinates?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know!"

"Well, if you don't know how do you expect me to!"

"Cause I said so!"

"Your face said so!"

"Yo mama's a schizoid!"

"Yo ma—wait what?"

"Ask Shikamaru."

"…."

"…."

"Arf!"

"…"

"…"

"Kiba, can we just leave?"

"But I'm not done insulting your mom…"

"My mom's dead…"

"So…I can still insult her."

"Sheesh, aren't you supposed to say something like 'Oh! I'm so sorry, Kankuro, my bestest friend in the whole wide world'?"

"No…"

"Gee thanks."

"Anytime."

"Can we go now?"

"Sure."

An owl hooted in the night. A lone rabbit scurried by, rustling the bushes. The owl hooted again. A girl walked out in a silk nightgown. Whoa…bet you weren't expecting that.

"K-kiba-kun?"

Kankuro was about to retort something like, "Hey, where's my welcome?", but Kiba clamped a hand over his mouth and scooped up Akamaru.

"Run you idiot," he whispered, "Hinata-chan can't find us here!"

Kiba, Kankuro, and Akamaru disappeared into the night.

Hinata stood there blinking. Neji came to join her, followed by Tenten.

"Hinata-sama, is something wrong?"

"Hinata-chan, what happened?"

"I thought I heard someone. I thought I saw Kiba-kun."

"Byakugan," Neji surveyed the area, "If anyone was here then they already got away."

"So you can sleep well tonight, Hinata," assured Tenten.

"Arigato, Tenten-chan…say why are you here anyway? And why did you come out with Neji…?"

"He invited me over to watch South Park…"

"NEJI-NII-SAN WATCHES SOUTH PARK!"

Every light in the Hyuuga Compound turned on.

………………………….

* * *

………………………….

Our favorite, adventurous trio stood in front of Kiba's front door.

"Okay let's sneak in. Hopefully my mom won't notice us."

Kankuro nodded. Kiba reached his hand toward the knob. Then the unthinkable happened…

The Mission Impossible Theme started playing.

Kankuro blinked up toward the sky, and then looked all around him trying to find the source of the music, "What the hell?"

"Probably my older sis drooling over Tom Cruise again," answered Kiba, his hand now on the doorknob.

"I know how you feel."

"You told me Temari likes Orlando Bloom."

"Doesn't everybody?"

Kiba chuckled. Akamaru grinned. Kankuro snickered.

"We're rambling, aren't we?" asked Kankuro.

"I do believe so."

"…"

"Let's go in. It looks weird for two guys to be standing on a doorstep past midnight."

"Dude, it's your house..."

"Oh right."

Kiba opened the door and walked in. Akamaru followed. The dog-nin gestured for his friend to follow. Kankuro walked in.

The house was dark…very dark.

"No sign of my mom," whispered Kiba, "That's a good sign."

The lights flashed on.

"Kiba! What do you think you're doing coming home so late, young man!"

"M-mom!"

"What were you doing?"

"Well, you see…"

"And who the hell is that!"

Kankuro bowed slightly, "The name's Kankuro, ma'am."

"DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK!"

"Eep!" Kankuro jumped behind Kiba, acting much like a scared dog with its tail between its legs, which is what Akamaru was doing, whimpering included.

Kiba shot his friends nervous glances before turning back to his fuming mother.

"This is my friend…"

"Did he influence you to stay out so late?"

"N-no."

"What were you doing?"

"Looking for the mountain of lost plushies…"

"…," Tsume cocked a brow.

"…," Kiba gulped.

"…," Kankuro shivered.

"…," Akamaru whimpered and flattened himself to the ground.

"What?" asked Tsume.

"We were looking for the moun—," Kiba was cut off by none other than…

"Little bro, is that you?"

Tsume, Akamaru, Kiba, and Kankuro turned to see Hana standing on the stairs. She was wearing…You might want to brace yourself for this…

Tom Cruise pajamas, Tom Cruise socks, Tom Cruise night cap, Tom Cruise…I think you get the point.

Kankuro's eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

"Holy…"

Kiba leaned closer to his stunned friend so he could whisper, "This is normal for her."

Tsume was unable to regain her composure. Her jaw hung open and all she could say was, "Kiba, I'm too confused to do anything right now, so go to your room…your friend can stay."

Kiba elbowed Kankuro lightly.

"Let's go before she changes her mind."

The puppet master nodded and followed his friend up the stairs. They walked by Hana who went to the kitchen to get a drink.

Kankuro's eyes wandered around the short hallway, taking in everything there was to see; a few pictures on the beige wall- a family portrait, an individual picture for every member, and a picture of all the dogs.

They walked by a door that was slightly ajar.

"That's Hana's room," Kiba answered Kankuro's unspoken question.

The sand nin peered into the room and discovered…

Tom Cruise wallpaper, Tom Cruise posters, Tom Cruise window shades, Tom Cruise bed sheets, Tom Cruise plushies, Tom Cruise chair, and anything else you could imagine.

He stood open-mouthed for a second. He actually had to bring his hand to his chin and push his mouth closed.

"Is there _lipstick_ on that poster?"

"Probably," answered Kiba, completely unfazed. He hadn't even bothered looking.

"Man, I'm seriously scared. Can we just go to your room?"

"Already there," smiled Kiba, reaching toward his doorknob. Wow, he seems to do that a lot. Why isn't Kankuro opening any doors?

Well, unlike the previous two times, Kiba didn't hesitate because, well, it was his room.

The trio walked into the youngest Inuzuka's room.

Again, Kankuro was startled beyond belief.

"Dude, you got to be kidding me?"

"What?"

"_Ninja Turtles…_"

"Oi, don't mock the turtles. They're my inspiration," declared Kiba, plopping himself down on a giant Michelangelo beanie bag/chair. Akamaru snuggled into Kiba's lap. Kankuro sat next to Kiba on the beanie (like I said it was big.)

"I'm tired," yawned Kiba.

"Well, I can't sleep with all these turtles staring at me."

"Dude, they're posters and plushies. They can't come to life and kill you."

Kiba and Kankuro stared at each other. Kankuro narrowed his eyes.

"That's what they said about my puppets…"

"…!"

"…"

"BOO!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh my gosh! You freakin' pansies!"

"HANA, what the hell are you doing!"

Kiba's sister shook her finger in disappointment.

"Watch your language, Kiba-chan!"

Kiba crossed his arms and growled.

Akamaru hopped out of Kiba's lap and nuzzled Hana's leg.

"Oh hey, puppy," she cooed, petting Akamaru's head and scratching his ear.

"DON'T TOUCH AKAMARU!" Kiba grabbed Akamaru from his sister's clutches, "What are you doing here, witch?"

"Now Kiba, is that any way to treat your sister?"

"Yes," responded both Kankuro and Kiba, frankly.

"Humph! Well, take this," Hana growled before leaning in and kissing her brother on the forehead, "Oyasumi nasai, Kiba-chan!" She smiled and walked away.

Kiba stood there in a state of shock. Blink. Blink. Blink. He didn't even notice Kankuro complaining, "What! I don't get one!"

"I heard that!" shouted Hana from the hallway.

Reality finally dawned upon Kiba…

"Eww! Get it off! Get it off," he rubbed viciously at his forehead, "I've been defiled! The perfect perfection that is Inuzuka Kiba has been defiled!"

Kankuro poked his friend teasingly, "Kiba loves his sister! Kiba loves his sister!"

"I do not!"

The puppet master raised the pitch of his voice mockingly.

"Onee-chan, can you read me a bedtime story?"

"Shut up!"

"Onee-chan, can you tuck me in?"

"I said shut up!"

"Onee-chan, get me milk and cookies!"

"Grr! Stop!" Kiba tackled Kankuro to the ground and they started fighting. How immature…

"Ow! Ow! Get off of me!" yelled Kankuro whose best friend was currently trying to rip his hair out of his scalp.

The phone rang. Kiba and Kankuro were too busy to answer it, let alone hear it, so everyone's favorite nin-dog, Akamaru, answered it for them.

"Arf," he barked into the phone.

"Konbanwa, this is Lee. I sensed a disturbance in the power of youth and decided to call!"

"Arf!"

"DID YOU JUST INSULT MY EYEBROWS!"

"Arf!

"SPANDEX DID NOT GO OUT OF FASHION IN THE 80's!"

"Arf!"

"THIS HAIRCUT IS ALL THE RAGE!"

"Arf!"

"GAI-SENSEI IS NOT A PIMP!"

"Arf!"

"OF COURSE SAKURA-CHAN WILL MARRY ME!"

"Arf!"

"I DON'T LOVE NEJI!"

"Arf!"

"WANDA IS NOT A FAT SQUIRREL!"

"Arf!"

"ARGH! Stop it! I give! I surrender! You're so mean!"

"Arf!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOM!"

"Arf!"

"WAAAAHHH! IM LEAVING!"

Rock Lee hung up and Akamaru merely cocked his head cutely. The puppy turned around to see what his best friend/owner was doing.

Still fighting…

"Arf!Arf!Arf!" Akamaru barked to get the boys' attentions.

They stopped fighting and stared at Akamaru…and stared…and stared…and stared until they got so tired they couldn't stare anymore. Their eyelids started to droop and they dragged themselves over to the Mikey beanie bag.

So they lied on the beanie, Akamaru between Kankuro and Kiba. Kankuro had his hands behind his head, and Kiba had his hands on his stomach. Akamaru was snuggled by Kiba's side.

"Oi, Kankuro…," started Kiba.

"Yeah?"

"Your face."

"Your mom."

"Your mom's face."

"Your grandma's face."

"Your great grandma's face."

"Oi, Kiba."

"Yeah?"

"I had fun today."

"Me too."

"Oyasumi nasai."

"Oyasumi nasai."

"…"

"Kankuro…"

"Can I go to sleep now!"

"Wait I have a question."

"Nani?" groaned Kankuro.

"What were all those plushies doing in Neji's shed?"

**I also made reference to South Park, Fairly Odd Parents, and Tom Cruise. I do not own any of those. Though, owning Tom Cruise would be nice...lol. Anyway, more chapters to come...suggestions and comments are helpful...Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes...Hugs and Kisses!**

**Jesshiku-chan  
**


	2. The Coffee Raid

**I do not own Naruto or any other copyrighted material in this story...yada...**

**The Adventures of Kankuro and Kiba: Chap 2:**

**The Coffee Raid**

When Kiba woke up the next morning the birds were singing, the sun was shining, a rather annoying melody was playing, and the wind was blowing in a soft breeze. Yeah the perfect morning…except for that obnoxious melody…

KABOM!

"OW! WHAT THE –beep-!"

"Sakon, why did you hit Tayuya with a shoe…?"

"Cause I felt like it…Now be quiet, Ukon."

Oh well, at least the music stopped.

Anyway, back to Kiba. He yawned and stretched his arms; only wondering for a brief moment what the commotion was and why the Sound Four (aka Five) were in Konoha, anyway. Kiba blinked up toward the ceiling then closed his eyes again. _'Eh, too early to wake up.'_

He rolled over and nuzzled into what he thought was his Donatello plushie. He snuggled the 'plushie', a plushie that actually turned out to be a person. A person who thought she was snuggling her Tom Cruise plushie.

Kiba's eyes shot open when he noticed that his 'plushie' was breathing on him…

"HANA!"

Kiba's loud yell as he tore himself away from his sister just happened to wake up Kankuro. Kiba tearing himself away from his sister just happened to also push Kankuro off the beanie and cause him to squish Akamaru who then yelped so loud Hana finally woke up. Wow, talk about Domino Affect!

"Oh hi, Kiba-chan, did I wake you? I was having the most wonderful dream. It involved me, Tom Cruise, a wedding…a bed," she giggled slightly. Wow, morning person much.

"Hana, what are you doing in my room?"

"Well, I was doing Tom Cruise before I was so rudely awakened."

Blink. Blink. Blink.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kiba asked bluntly.

"Noooothiing," she smiled, almost drunkenly.

"Hana, did you…?"

"Drink coffee?" she hiccupped, "Yup!"

Kankuro suddenly joined in the conversation.

"Coffee does not do that to people."

"It has…_strange_ effects on my sister," explained Kiba.

"What kind of effects?" questioned Kankuro, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, for instance…"

"Hey, hot stuff!" Hana somehow found her way onto Kankuro's lap.

"Like that," finished Kiba.

"I like this effect," chuckled Kankuro.

"Don't even think about, Kankuro."

"Aww! Why not?"

"For one, she's like four years older than you and she's my SISTER!"

"Oh pooie, ruin my fun," mumbled Kankuro.

"…"

"So any other effects I should know about?" the puppeteer asked, sneaking a wink at Hana who was getting increasingly feisty.

"Oi, I saw that! And yeah there is something you should kno—HANA, get your hand out of his shirt!"

Hana turned around and glared at Kiba. "Never," she snorted.

"Oh, I don't mind, Kiba," grinned Kankuro, obviously enjoying this, "Do you have any more coffee?"

"Kankuro…"

"Ye—Holy crap!"

"Hana! What are you doing to his neck," Kiba covered his eyes with his arms, "I do not need to see this!"

Kankuro finally managed to pry Hana's mouth away from his neck. Not that he really wanted to, but with Kiba there it wouldn't be right, plus that was his ticklish spot…

"Sorry about that. What were you saying?"

"As I was saying…"

"COFFEE!" screamed Hana, maniacally, jumping off of Kankuro's lap in the process. Wow, that was random…

Kiba's eyes widened as he watched his sister twitch repeatedly.

"Oh gosh…"

"Eh?" asked Kankuro, scratching his head, "Something wrong?"

"COOOFFFEEEEE!" Hana made a mad dash toward the window.

"Ah! Stop her!" Kiba jumped and tried to grab his crazed sister. His hand brushed her ankle, but alas she slipped away and pounced onto the window sill. She turned around and winked at Kankuro, "See ya around, hottie!" Then…she opened the window…and jumped…yeah that's right…_jumped_.

Of course, being the skilled ninja that she was, that jump from the second story window didn't hurt her. She landed perfectly, turned back and waved at Kiba who was shouting at her from the window, and ran off screaming, "COFFEE!"

Crickets…

"Uh…," Kankuro scratched his head again, "What just happened?"

There was a pause as tension built up in the room.

Tension…anxiety…curiosity…suspense…yes I'm just doing this to annoy you…restlessness…apprehension…crap running out of synonyms here. Oh well, I'll just continue with the story.

"The Coffee Raid," stated Kiba dramatically.

"Gasp," Kankuro's eyes widened, "Not the coffee raid! ….Wait, what's the coffee raid…?"

"Pure insanity."

"?"

Kiba ran over to his door and opened it. He stuck his head out and shouted, "MOM! We have a Scenario: 2237!"

Crash!

A plated shattered on the floor and Tsume tried to resume breathing, but with a Scenario: 2237 that can be kind of hard.

"You…let…Hana…h-have…," she stammered, "coffee?"

Kiba, who had run down to the middle of the stairs, was able to hear this.

"What do you mean _I_ did! You're just as guilty!"

"Don't talk back to your mother!"

"But mom!"  
"What did I just say! Now take responsibility for your actions and find your sister!"

"But—"

"KIBA!"

"Fine!"

"I need not remind you what happened last time."

Kiba shivered at the very thought. Yay! Flashback time!

_Thirty ANBU members lay injured and bleeding on the blood-soaked ground; a few maybe even dead. Bouts of maniacal laughter resonated through the calm, still air. An eerie presence overshadowed Konoha. Villagers boarded up their houses and stayed clear of the streets; their only view of the outside world being their windows. They watched as the few remaining ANBUs pounced the insane girl, finally pinning her to the ground after hours of fighting. _

"_Inuzuka Hana, you are hereby forbidden from ever having coffee ever again due to the charges of: theft, assault, attempted murder, disturbance of peace, insulting the elderly, desecrating sacred or respected areas, attempting to eat the Hokage's pet pig, prank calls, insanity, and being under the influence…of coffee…"_

"_YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! Unless of course…," her eyes lit up hopefully, "There's coffee in prison."_

"_Oh, there's coffee, but not for you."_

"_WHAT!"_

_She tried to make a run for it but was tackled to the ground again by the ANBU; she no longer had the energy needed to go on. After all, a coffee rush only last so long…_

"No, mom, you don't need to remind me. I'll get right on it."

Tsume smiled with the 'I-knew-you'd-see-it-my-way' kind of feeling and got back to washing dishes.

* * *

Kiba trudged into his room, slouching. Kankuro stared at him questioningly. 

"What's wrong?"

"We have to go find Hana."

"So?"

"You don't understand, Kankuro. You weren't here…_last time_," his eyes narrowed, remembering those horrific events. He spaced out and his right eye started to twitch.

Kankuro stared…

Twitch. Twitch.

…and stared…

Twitch. Twitch.

…and stared…

"Kiba?"

Kiba popped back into that little thing we like to call reality.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. We should start searching."

"Okay…"

"By the way, get your fat ass off of Akamaru!"

"EH?"

"You've been sitting on my dog since you woke up and fell off the beanie."

Kankuro stood up quickly and looked at the spot he had just been sitting. There lay Akamaru, squished and coughing in little rasping sounds.

"Oh gomen."

* * *

"Somebody stop her! That insane girl stole all our coffee! How are we supposed to get unsuspecting youngsters addicted so they'll fill our pockets if we don't have any coffee!" 

"You sound like you're talking about cigarettes…"

"We sell those too! How do you think that Asuma fellow got addicted? He was only eleven when he bought his first pack from us. Now we're loaded! Isn't that great?"

"…No."

"Bwahaha! COFFEE!"

"Oh yeah, we're being robbed…Somebody help!"

Hana raced out of the store at top speed, carrying four large bags full of coffee mix packages. She dumped the contents of the coffee packages into her mouth as she ran, making her even more hyper. The store manager and clerk only dared to chase her to the front door.

Kiba was walking down the street wearing extremely Sherlock Holmes-ish clothes, while Kankuro kept his dignity in the form of his normal clothes. Akamaru strolled casually at Kiba's side, tail wagging.

A certain bag-carrying girl ran by screaming, "COFFEE!", followed closely by a horde of ANBU.

Kiba's mock pipe (wow props!) fell out of his hanging mouth.

'_They called out the ANBU already…it's only been like an hour…_'

Akamaru stopped in his tracks.

'_I want beef jerky…'_

Kankuro stood there, jaw dropped.

'_And I thought my family was insane…'_

The trio was about to chase after Hana when a certain green, spandex-clad, youthful duo blocked their path.

"There he is, Gai-sensei," said Lee, letting the tears flow freely down his cheeks, "That's the dog who hurt my feelings yesterday!"

"So, Akamaru, I heard you called me a pimp…,"stated Gai bitterly.

"Arf!"

"OF COURSE MY BUTT IS NICER THAN KAKASHI'S!"

"Arf!"

"SPANDEX DOES NOT MAKE ME LOOK FAT!"

"Arf!"

"OF COURSE ANKO-CHAN IS COMPLETELY FAITHFUL TO ME!"

"Arf!"

"THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH DOES EXIST!"

"Arf!"

"PONCE DE LEON WAS NOT INSANE!"

Meanwhile…

"Kankuro, what the heck is this guy talking about?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

Kiba doesn't know about what goes on in Akamaru's private life…

Anyway…

"Arf!"

"OF COURSE CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA! Everyone knows that!"

"Actually, Gai-sensei, it was the Vikings…"

"NANI! I was wrong! No! This cannot be! I must youthfully run over to the library of youthfulness and research the entire youthful history of the youthful world!"

"Arf!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE EARTH IS 4.6 BILLION YEARS OLD!"

"Gai-sensei, shall we youthfully study Science and Astronomy too?"

"Hai! That's how it shall be! Now let us go, O valiant vessel of youth! Kiba, Kankuro, Akamaru, we bid adieu. Farewell, let youth be with you!"

Gai and Lee simultaneously flashed their shiny, white smiles at the trio (temporarily blinding them) and gave them the thumps-up, before running off to the library. Lee turned around and waved while running, "Say hi to Gaara for me!"

And they disappeared into the sunset…

Sweatdrop.

That was Kankuro's, Kiba's, and Akamaru's response. A sweatdrop.

"Okaaay, that was weird," said Kankuro, breaking the silence.

"Akamaru, is there something I should know about?"

"Arf arf! (I'm completely innocent.)"

Kiba smiled down at his puppy, "Of course, I knew you were a good boy."

Akamaru snickered inwardly, mentally musing on how his master/friend was an idiot. No wonder he needed him to cheat on all of his test…

"I can't believe Gaara's actually friends with the spandex-wearing freak," said Kankuro.

"Gaara…is friends…with _Lee_?"

"Yeah… Hard to believe, right?"

"Totally."

"Arf!"

"Oh yeah…Forgot about Hana…let's go, Kankuro-kun," ordered Kiba, still a little spaced out.

"Do we really have to?"

"Hai, we do. You have no idea what she's capable of when she gets like this."

"Eh?"

"You don't want to know. Let's just go."

"Oka —"

"Oi, hottie!"

Kankuro, Kiba, and Akamaru turned around to see Hana, running faster than even physically possible.

"Behold the power of coffee!" she shouted, once she was closer to them, "I ran here from the other side of town in under four minutes just because I caught a whiff of your scent," she fluttered her eyelashes, "Kanky-kun."

"Er…"

"Let's go on a date!" she grabbed his arm and started to drag him away, "Bwahahaha!"

Kiba watched as his friend and Hana disappeared into the streets of Konoha. He just stood there, not knowing what to do. Akamaru nudged his leg to see if he was still alive.

"Akamaru," he said not even looking down at the puppy, "Now what?"

"Arf! Arf!"

"We have no idea where they went."

"Arf! Arf!"

"I'm sure someone has to kn—"

"_Turtles count it off! One live by the code of the martial arts! Two never fight unless someone else starts…"_

Kiba turned instantly to the source of the sound. He found a comic book store…that was currently having a Teenage Mutant Ninjas Turtle Convention.

A small string of drool hung out of Kiba's mouth.

"I'm sure a little peek won't hurt. Hana can wait…," he said almost zombie-like, walking into the store. Akamaru followed; a look of concerned covered his face.

* * *

"I'll take thirty-eight cups of coffee, twenty lattes, fifteen espressos, and thirty-three cappuccinos, please," ordered Hana, twitching hyperly. 

The waiter raised an eyebrow questioningly, then turned to Kankuro, "And you, sir?"

"Er…I'll take a decaf."

"How many?" he hesitated to ask, afraid of another order like Hana's.

"Just one," Kankuro reassured him.

The waiter walked away mumbling something like, "Now I've seen everything."

Hana gave Kankuro a flirty smile and rested her chin in her palms.

"So, Kanky-kun, are you having fun?"  
"…"

"You don't look too happy," she frowned, "Oh! I know! How about after I drink my one-hundred-six cups of coffee you can come over to my house for a little fun," she raised her eyebrows suggestively, "You'd like that right?"

A bead of sweat ran down the puppeteer's face.

"Okay, this morning I was enjoying this. Now, I'm just plain scared."

"Tsk tsk tsk…you know it's not nice to be scared of your girlfriend."

"You're not my girlfriend!"

"Says you."

"Yes says me!"

"Says your face!"

"No! Says your mom's face!"

"Says your mom's mom's face!  
"You could've just said grandma…"

"Your face can say grandma."

Kankuro crossed his arms and sighed. He wondered where Kiba was. Shouldn't he have been there by now…

* * *

"Oh my gosh! I need that shirt!" 

"Dude, like, your shirt is, like, so much more radical than mine, like, totally."

"Well, yours has Mikey and Raph on it! My favorite characters! Ninja turtles inspired me to become a ninja ya know."

All assembled turtle fans gather around Kiba. The one whom he had previously been talking with patted him on the back and handed him a coin-like object.

"Kiba, you're one of us now," he declared.

The others raised their hands in the air and shouted, "Kowabunga!"

A few tears welled up in Kiba's eyes, "This is the proudest moment of my life.

He looked down at the coin. It was gold and had all four ninja turtles engraved on it. He put it in his pocket and watched as the others welcomed Akamaru into the group too; even giving him his own coin which they tied to him with a ribbon.

* * *

_'I could really use Kiba right about now…,' _thought Kankuro as he watched Hana gulp down her ninety-second cup of caffeinated beverages, _'Well, at least she's almost done,' _he sighed. 

"Hehehe, so, hottie," she twitched.

"It's Kankuro…"

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Name doesn't matter! Just the body."

Now it was Kankuro's turn to twitch, though not for the same reason as Hana.

"Freaking child molester," he muttered.

Just then…

"Did I hear right? Is a child getting molested?"

…Orochimaru burst through the doors of Starbucks, smiling…big.

"Orochimaru, please, don't embarrass us. ONEGAI," pleaded Tayuya, who had a rather large bump on her head.

"Quiet! Unless you want the shoe treatment again," warned Sakon, grabbing a shoe out of nowhere.

"OI! Give me back my shoe!" shouted Jirobo.

"Shut up, you freakin' fat-ass!" retorted Tayuya.

"Oi! That's not very nice!"

"Fatty! Fatty! Fatty! Na na na na!"

"Waaahh!"

"SHUT THE FREAK UP OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY SHOE!" shouted Sakon.

"BUT IT'S MY SHOE!" Bet you can't guess who said that.

"Children, children, settle down," said Orochimaru, turning to the soon-to-be-killing-each-other group, "Now, back to business!" He turned back toward Kankuro's and Hana's table but…they were gone! Gasp!

The snake sannin blinked, "Oi, where'd they go?"

"They left about five minutes ago," answered the waiter.

"WHAT! I must find them! Wherever children are getting molested I must be there!" declared Orochimaru dramatically before running out the door, snickering weirdly.

Jirobo, Sakon, and Tayuya stopped fighting and stared at the door Orochimaru had just walked through.

"Okay…That was weird," said Tayuya.

"Yeah…," agreed Sakon.

"OH MY GOSH! What happened to my shoe!" asked Jirobo, staring at his shoe that had somehow gotten ripped to pieces.

Tayuya shrugged, "I don't know."

"But—"

"Jirobo, nobody knows what happened to your gosh darn shoe. Now be quiet!"

"Oi, want to go watch a movie or something?" asked Tayuya.

"Yeah, I heard Mission Impossible 4 came out today," replied Sakon.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in the streets of Konoha… 

"So, what do you wanna do, hottie?"

"Go home."

"Oooo. That already! Oh my! You're a fast one, bad boy!"

"That's not what I meant."

"Who's says we need to go home?"

"Eh?"

Hana dragged Kankuro into the nearest alley and pushed him against a wall. She leaned in and blew a hot puff of air in his face.

"We can do it right here and now," she whispered.

"EEEEEEEE!RAPE!"

Just then…

"Oh! I found you! I found you! Mind if I watch?" asked Orochimaru, holding a video camera.

"…," Kankuro blinked.

"Sure! Isn't that great, hottie! We'll have your loss of virginity on tape!"

"NO!"

"You're a shy one, aren't you?"

"No. I just don't like psychotic women who get high on coffee."

"WELL, I'M FORCING YOU TO LIKE ME!"

"NANI! You can't do that!"

"Sure I can! Maybe some alcohol, drugs…Oo! I know! COFFEE!"

Just then, the interruption that was to save Kankuro's life occurred…

"Orochimaru, want to go watch Mission Impossible 4 with us?" shouted Tayuya from a distance. Behind her were Sakon and Jirobo.

Hana perked up and stared at Tayuya.

Twitch. Twitch.

"M-mission I-impossible…4!"

"Yeah, it came out today," informed Sakon.

"Oh my GWARSH!" shouted Hana, "Oi, hottie, you, me, movies now!"

She dragged Kankuro off at light-speed. Not literally of course…nothing moves at the speed of light…except light…heh heh.

Anyway, like ordinary, civilized people Tayuya, Sakon, Orochimaru, and Jirobo casually walked to the movie theater. Their conversation went a little something like this:

"Fat-ass."

"Stop."

"Fat-ass."

"Stop."

"Fat-ass."

"Grr."

"Fat-ass."

"Grrr!"

"Fat—"

"Oi, I could very easily find another shoe to pummel you with."

"…"

"…"

"Thought so."

"AWW! MAN! You children made me miss my chance to film porn for my new website."

Heh heh anyways, this story is supposed to be about Kankuro and Kiba and I'm getting way off track…

* * *

'_Darn it, Kiba! Where are you!' _thought Kankuro as he was dragged through the streets, totally ignoring the fact that Hana had somehow made it across town in less than four minutes. 

"Hana, if you let me go I'll pay for your tickets," bribed Kankuro, hoping it would work.

"Nope."

"Please."

"Er…I'll give you a kiss."

"Tempting, but no."

"Please…"

"SHUT UP, HOTTIE! TOM CRUISE IS WAITING!"

Hana broke into a sprint again.

* * *

Kiba Inuzuka was walking down the street. Akamaru was at his side. They both had brightly-colored headbands covering their eyes. The headbands had eye holes of course. Kiba's was orange. Akamaru's was red. Raph and Mikey—er—Kiba and Akamaru walked down the street. Akamaru's coin bounced happily with his gleeful strides. Kiba's coin was in his pocket. 

'_Wasn't I supposed to be looking for someone?' _wondered Kiba briefly before shrugging it off and continuing in the direction of…well, let's just say he was wandering around aimlessly okay. And that wandering around aimlessly just happened to lead him to the movie theater where he ran into a certain someone and another certain someone…LITERALLY.

KABOM!

"OW!" yelled Kiba.

"OWIEE!" shouted Kankuro.

"Ouch," exclaimed Hana.

The three figures sat up and rubbed their heads (Akamaru excluded because, well, he didn't get hit.)

"Kiba!" shouted Kankuro gleefully.

"Kankuro!" yelled Kiba, suddenly having remembered the people he was supposed to be looking for.

"Kiba!" beamed Hana.

"HANA!" screamed Kiba.

"Arf!"

"Akamaru!" smiled Kankuro.

"Hottie!" blushed Hana, taking Kankuro in her arms.

"Hana, can I borrow Kankuro for a minute?"

"Sure, Kiba-chan!"

Kiba took Kankuro by the arm and dragged him about ten feet away. Akamaru followed. Hana stayed in front of the theater, humming the Mission Impossible theme.

"Arigato, Kiba-kun! You saved me!" thanked Kankuro.

"Actually, Kankuro, I have to tell you my plan."

"What plan! Does it involve Hana!"

"Unfortunately, yes. I need you to somehow convince her to come home."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know! Er…this coffee rush made her like you, so tell her you're going to have sex or something."

"…"

"…"

"And why the hell would I want to do that?"

"Cause it's the only way to get her to come willingly! Please, Kankuro! Onegai!"

Kankuro pondered it for a moment before responding, "Yeah, Yeah, whatever. I'll do it."

"Great! I knew I could count on you," grinned Kiba, "I'll stay here so she doesn't suspect anything," he continued.

Kankuro merely scowled and walked off toward his destiny. Oops. Sorry. Speaking like Neji here. Anyways…

"So sexy mama, how about we stroll over to your place and settle down for a little fun," winked Kankuro.

Kiba cringed inwardly at the horrible pick-up line that had just been used on his older sister by his best friend. Akamaru cowered in fear.

Hana pouted, "But…Tom Cruise…"

Kankuro grabbed her chin and growled suggestively.

"We can watch the movie later. After we play."

Hana shrugged, "Okay, if you say so," she replied indifferently, "Just as long as we get to watch the movie."

"Whatever you want, baby," the puppet master smirked.

Akamaru's dead body twitched as flies flew around him. Kiba stared with his mouth hanging open. Woosh. A breeze blew by, followed by a dust bunny. Kiba fainted.

After Kankuro had finally managed to bring Kiba and Akamaru back to the world of the living they set off. Hana held Kankuro's hand and skipped while randomly reciting lines from War of the Worlds.

"Look at the gosh damn birds!" she recited and ironically a bird flew by and suddenly decided it needed to use the bathroom…on Kiba's head.

"Aww! Gross!"

Somehow this reminded Hana of something…

"Oh my gosh! I haven't had a cup of coffee in over ten minutes," she exclaimed, "I'll be right back," she informed, running into the nearest 7eleven.

Kankuro turned toward Kiba, "She can't be serious…," he stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Kiba…was being attacked by a murder of crows.

'_Is that why they're called murders?' _wondered Kankuro as he watched his friend run around screaming, flailing his arms this way and that.

* * *

"I'll take thirty packages of Starbucks coffee mix and one cup of low-fat latte, please," smiled Hana. 

"I'm sorry, ma'am," said the cashier, "But our coffee machine broke down."

Twitch. Twitch.

"But I'm sure we could supply with the coffee mix very easily," informed the cashier very quickly after seeing the murderous glint in the Inuzuka's eyes.

"Thought so," stated Hana triumphantly.

* * *

Kiba fell to the ground panting; finally having rid himself of the birds (with a little help from Kankuro's puppets.) 

Kankuro was still waiting patiently by the entrance of 7eleven for Hana to come out. He ignored Kiba's groans of pain and left Akamaru to tend to the dog-nin's wounds.

Hana walked out. Kankuro and Kiba looked up to say something but at that very moment…

The ANBU jumped out of their various hiding spots and surrounded the foursome! Hana screeched. Kankuro sighed. Kiba's eyes widened and slowly narrowed again as he banged his head on the ground in frustration.

"Inuzuka Hana, you're surrounded! Give up!" shouted one of the assembled ANBU.

"Never!" Hana rebelled, jumping on top of the nearest hill under a tree.

"You are hereby charged with the crimes of: theft, assault, attempted child molestation…you know what! Screw this! You know what you did!" said the ninja, throwing the scroll he was reading from to the ground, "Now give up or we will be forced to use violent methods," he warned.

Kiba walked up to the nearest ANBU and tugged at his sleeve.

"Excuse me, sir, but you're ruining my plan!"

The leader of the squad overheard and responded, "Inuzuka Kiba I presume?"

Kiba nodded.

"Well, Kiba, were you or were you not supposed to prevent your sister from ever having coffee again?"

"Yes…"

"WELL, YOU FAILED MISERABLY AND ENDANGERED THE LIVES OF THE ENTIRE VILLAGE!"

"I had a plan!"

"Well, forget about, kid. We'll take it from here," he turned to the other ANBUs, "Ready your tranquilizers!"

Hana started snickering wildly, "Haha! You'll never take me,' she said, stuffing packages of coffee beans into her mouth, "NEVER! I shall take over the world! Bwahaha!"

Everything turned into slow motion. You could see Kiba mouth the word "No", Kankuro gasp, and Akamaru doing his business at the nearest fire hydrant. The ANBU members started to pull down on their triggers (in slow motion of course!) Then it happened…

DONK!

"The sky is falling," babbled Hana before promptly dropping to the floor from the blow she had received to the head by a small brown object that had fallen from the tree above her. Yeah that's right. An acorn was the end of one of Inuzuka Hana's infamous coffee raids.

**ZOMG! Writing about Gai and Lee is so much fun!XD They always make me laugh and I feel no limits as to the crazyness I can write! YOSH! Feel the power of youth!**

**...Anyway...That was a great Chapter, right? I think it was better than the first. Please excuse any grammer/spelling mistakes, but I only checked this once. I usually check my work like 5 times. I was too lazy this time and tired...**

**Also I apologize for any OOCness. **

**Hope you enjoyed! I have ideas for the next chap so it shouldn't be long! Hugs and Kisses!**

**Jesshiku-chan**


	3. Friday the 13th

**I do not own Naruto...yada yada...**

**The Adventures of Kankuro and Kiba**

**Chap 3: Friday the 13th**

Inuzuka Kiba walked down the street. It was the morning after Hana's coffee raid and Kiba decided to step out for a bit, after having to care for his sister in her post-coffee rush condition.

Akamaru barked happily. Kiba smiled down at his puppy as the sun shone down brightly and the leaves rustled in the wind.

"I have the feeling today is going to be a good day," said Kiba, "We just need to get Kan—"

BANG!

"Looks like we're already here," chuckled an embarrassed Kiba as he knocked on the door of the sand sibling's villa, which he had just crashed into.

Akamaru shook his head in embarrassment.

The door opened and…

"What's up, Home-dawg!" greeted Kankuro.

"Hey, Kitty-cat!" greeted Kiba in a rather high-pitched voice.

"This is so gay I'm not even going to comment," stated Gaara, before mysteriously disappearing…okay he walked down the hall and into the other room, but details aren't important.

Kiba and Kankuro blinked for a moment in the direction Gaara had just walked away then turned back toward each other.

"So, what amazing adventures are we going to have today, Kiba?" asked Kankuro, grinning.

"Well…I was hoping you would think of something…"

"…You imbecile! It's your town! I don't know what we can do here!"

"…Er…There's a new poetry café down that way. Want to check it out?"

"I hate poetry."

"Hmm…How about the opera house?"

"I think not."

"…Ballet?"

"Dude, Kiba, what is with you and all these incredibly gay suggestions?"

"Well, I think I've sort of had enough adventures for one lifetime, and I'd like to slow down for at least a day."

"Well too bad, bud! I'm full of energy and raring to go! I can't be in Konoha everyday you know!"

Kiba's attention was drawn to a fluttering butterfly and he watched it…well…flutter, while Kankuro continued to talk, totally oblivious to the fact that he no longer even had his friend's attention.

"…And I have the strong feeling this is going to be my lucky day!"

"……," Kiba stared intently at the butterfly that was now perched by his foot. Akamaru started at it too.

"Kiba?!"

"…"

"KIBA, ARE YOU LISTENING?!"

Kiba looked up.

"Wha…Oh! Yeah! Yeah…something about lucky day. Whatever."

"I have high hopes for this day."

"Lucky…yeah. Very lucky!"

"Arf! Arf!" barked Akamaru in agreement.

Just then a certain long-haired, little Hyuuga ran by the other side of the street screaming and ranting. A certain little, bun-haired kunoichi chased after him shouting pleas for him to stop through pants and huffs of exhaustion. It seemed as though they had been running for quite a while.

"Neji, please stop! Onegai! I'm begging you!"

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my GWARSH!"

"Neji, calm down!"

"I can't, Tenten! Not when it's FRIDAY THE THIRTHEENTH!"

Kiba, Kankuro, and Akamaru watched as the pair continued to run down the street and eventually disappeared behind some buildings.

"Friday the 13th," gulped Kankuro, slightly nervous.

"Yeah…but you don't really believe in that stuff, do you?" asked Kiba, also with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Nope. Not at all," lied Kankuro.

"Yeah. That would be ridiculous right? Heh heh, no such thing as bad luck, right?"

"Totally."

"…"

"…"

"Like if I were to step on this crack," said Kiba, glancing down toward a crack in the sidewalk, "My mom would be fine, right?"

"Try it," suggested Kankuro with a small smirk.

"Okay…"

Kiba stuck out his foot and let it hover over the crack hesitantly for what seemed like forever.

"Kiba, just step on the flipping crack!"

"Yeah, you're right. This is ridiculous! It's just a superstition," he faked a grin, lightly tapping his foot on the crack,"See, I told you nothing would happen," reminded Kiba.

* * *

Back at the Inuzuka Household…

Inuzuka Tsume was just finishing up the dishes when she slipped on a random banana peel on the floor and fell to the ground.

Crack! Went her back.

"AHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"What was that?" asked Kiba, upon hearing the scream that rang throughout the town.

"I don't know," replied Kankuro.

"…"

"Sooo…"

"Yeah…"

"What are going to do?"

"Uhh—"

"Hello, youthful peoples!" shouted Lee, running up to the front door of the villa.

Kiba and Kankuro watched him approach. Akamaru smirked evilly…plotting his next string of insults I suppose…

Kankuro slouched down and used Kiba's head as an armrest.

"What are you doing here, Lee?" he asked, ignoring Kiba's annoyed nudging of his arm.

Lee stopped running and bowed politely.

"I'm here to youthfully ask the youthful Gaara if he wants to youthfully participate in youthfully youthful activities of youth!"

Kankuro and Kiba stared at him with blank expressions.

"You want to ask Gaara to hang out?" asked Kankuro to see if he got the right translation.

"Yes, is that not what I just said?" asked Lee, with a confused frown.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Sure…," said Kankuro, taking his arm off Kiba's head.

There was another silence and Akamaru took this time to attack.

"Arf!"

"What about my eyebrows?!"

"Arf!"

"What?! The Nazis are after me?!"

"Arf!"

"I AM NOT GAY! Gaara is strictly a FRIEND!"

"Arf!"

"SO WHAT IF I STILL LIKE BARNEY!"

"Arf!"

"THE WIGGLES ARE STRAIGHT!"

"Arf!"

"Of course these aren't glue-on googly-eyes…"

"Arf!"

"TRAINING AND HARD WORK DOES PAY OFF!"

"Arf!"

"I will not reveal any of Gai-sensei secrets!"

"Arf!"

"I DID NOT SEE ANYTHING AT THE TRAINING GROUNDS YESTERDAY!"

"Arf!"

"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING! NOTHING INVOLVING NEJI OR TENTEN OR KISSING OR— oh poo…"

"Arf!"

"If a triangle has a base of two and a height of two then what is the area…well you would do 2x2…"

"Arf!"

"What do you mean 2+2…it's 2x2!"

"Arf!"

"2x2!"

"Arf!"

"2x2!"

"It equals the same thing, you freaking retards!" informed Shikamaru, who nobody had noticed walking up.

Everyone stared at him, contemplating for a moment what he had just said.

"You know…you're right," gawked Kiba.

"You learn something new everyday…," said Kankuro.

"My…how youthful of you to realize…," said I-think-you-know-who.

"Arf…"

Shikamaru stared at the four thoroughly enlightened beings in front of him. He slapped himself on the forehead. _'Idiots…,'_ he thought.

"So, Shika, why are you here?" asked Kiba, changing the subject.

"To see Temari."

"What is your business with my sister?" interrogated Kankuro.

"Umm…I love her…"

"And what do you plan on doing with her?"

"I don't know…whatever she wants."

"Okay, that's good enough for me."

There was another silence. Lee, deciding there was nothing better to do, went to open the door……but ended up getting it slammed in his face.

Lee stumbled around and then fell to the ground with a bloody nose.

"Shikamaru!" shouted Temari, bounding away from the doorway and into her boyfriend's arm.

"Konnichiwa, Temari-chan, O genki desu ka?" he asked, keeping only a loose hold around her waist.

"I'm fine, and you?" she tightened her grip on him.

"Well, I'm fine now that I'm with you."

Temari blushed, "O Shiki-chan…," she kissed him on the lips, lightly.

Kankuro twitched, "Oh gosh…gag! Too sappy for my taste!"

"Oh my! Young love!" shouted Lee with sparkling hearts floating all around him.

"Oh that's so sweet," sobbed Kiba, "Beautiful romance!" he shouted, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Good grief, Kiba! What's wrong with you?" shouted Kankuro.

"I'm sorry," Kiba blew his nose with a tissue he got out of nowhere, "I just have a soft spot for these types of things!"

"I don't know you anymore."

He turned around to say something to Temari, but noticed she was kind of busy…

"You know, you guys could stop at any time," said Kankuro.

Temari pulled back from the kiss she was thoroughly enjoying.

"Fine, we'll go find somewhere else," she said, grabbing Shikamaru's hand and dragging him away.

When Kankuro turned around to see what Kiba and Lee where doing, he stumbled upon a rather…weird sight.

Kiba's eyes were all big and wet from crying, his lower lip quivered slightly. Lee was taking tissues from Kiba's tissue box that had magically appeared and was stuffing them into his nose to stop the bleeding. Kiba took a tissue and wiped at the steadily flowing stream of tears coming from his eyes.

"Man, Kankuro, why'd you have to stop them?"

"Wow…your sister opens doors pretty hard!" Lee said in a funny voice now that his nose was blocked, "Does she do that all the time?!"

Kankuro shook his head and sank to the ground. "_What did I do to deserve this,_" he sighed mentally.

Lee walked toward the door again.

"Well, I'm going to get Ga—"

BAM!

Lee fell to the ground with an even bigger nosebleed and the tissues he had previously stuffed in his nose fell out, leaving the blood to splatter on the ground.

Gaara stood at the doorway and blinked a few times. Then, once he realized what he had done, he smirked. He was probably just enjoying the sight of all that blood…coming from his best friend…hey…wait a minute…

"Sorry about the Lee," he said as he helped his friend up, "By the way, why are you here?" Wow...talk about blunt…

Lee stared at Gaara with his, for the moment, swirly eyes of near unconsciousness.

"I was wonderi' if you want to youth'lly join me in some youthful activities today!"

"Nah," Gaara said plainly, "People to see, places to go, things to do." And with that said, Gaara slammed the door closed.

Lee blinked for a moment then turned to Kankuro and Kiba. They all stared at each other with blank expressions for a while then…

"Hey, want to go to the library with me? Gai-sensei and I have already made it to the middle ages in our study of the history of the world."

"Uh…no…," answered Kiba. '_Oh my gosh, they actually followed through with that…'_

"I'll pass," replied Kankuro.

"Oooookay! I'll be off then! Hasta luego," Lee started to run off, "Let youth be with you!"

…And he ran off into the sunset…like he did in chapter 2…except this time without Gai…

"So Kiba, what do you want to do?"

"Poetry café!"

Kankuro sighed, "Fine, but only cause I can't think of anything better to do."

"Yay!"

So they walked off, accidentally stepping on many cracks along the way…still not knowing the source of those painful screams.

* * *

"Hana…help," whined Tsume who was still on the floor. Her back was now broken in at least seven different places. Hana had recently made herself breakfast and was now sitting down at the table to eat it.

"Mom, I'm a vet not a freaking doctor," she said taking a sip of her drink.

"But it huuuuuurts!" Tsume complained, "Oi, is that…?"

"Mom, it's decaf," assured Hana.

"Oh okay, good. Oi, did you ever watch that Mission Impossible 4 movie?"

Hana's eye started to twitch.

"T-tom C-cruise…I had nearly forgotten!" she shouted before gulping down her breakfast in one bite and rushing out the door.

A random mouse scurried by and started to nibble at the only crumb Hana had left behind.

"I don't suppose you could help me," said Tsume, turning her head (which was all she could move) to stare  
at the mouse.

* * *

Kiba took a sip of his orange smoothie and started playing with the sugar packets.

"Kiba, what are you doing?"

"Playing with the sugar packets."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm bored."

"Wh—"

"Shh! The first poet's about to come up," said Kiba in a loud whisper.

An announcer (who just happened to be Hayate!) walked on stage.

"Okay everybody, our first poet today is…cough…all the way from sand village…"

Kankuro's attention perked up.

"Sabaku no Gaara!" shouted Hayate.

Everyone started snapping their fingers.

"What the hell?!" exclaimed Kankuro.

"Oi, Kankuro, that's your brother!"

"I think I know that!"

Gaara walked up to the microphone.

"Ahem…"

Silence…

"Death. Death. Burn Burn.

Throw the ashes in an urn.

Make them die. Make them pay.

Their deaths shall come without delay…"

The audience stared wide-eyed as Gaara continued.

"Kill them all.

Make them bawl.

Watch as the pile grows really tall.

Stack them up, one by one…

All the bodies

My! Ain't this fun!"

Gaara bowed to signify he was done. There were a few weak snaps here and there. Kankuro twitched slightly. Kiba continued drinking his smoothie as though nothing had happened. Orochimaru and the Sound Five burst through the door…Oi, wait a minute…

"Okay okay everybody, make way! Sound Five coming through," ordered Sakon.

"Sakon…don't be so mean to the peoples…," said Tayuya in a soft, almost heavenly voice. She was dressed in a black habit and had a freaking halo over her head. Gasp!

"Ah shut up…Oi, Tayuya how do you get that halo to just float there?" asked Sakon, suddenly fill with curiosity.

"Chakra," answered Tayuya simply.

She walked over to the table closest to the front and sat down. Orochimaru and the rest of the Sound Five followed.

"Tell me again why we're here," demanded Kimimaro, who was seated by Orochimaru.

"Because Tayuya has a poem she wants to recite," answered Sakon.

"I do?" asked Tayuya, the picture of innocence.

"Yes. You do. Now go up there and show them what you got," encouraged Sakon, pushing her on stage.

He grabbed the microphone and spoke into it.

"Okay everybody, my friend Tayuya here has a little poem for y'all," announced Sakon.

"But Sakon…"

"Now, Tayuya, you'll do fine," he poked her nose flirtatiously, "Bye now!" He hurried off the stage.

Tayuya surveyed the audience.

"Umm…hey there peoples…"

Crickets…

"Um…I play the flute…that rhymes with lute…which has strings…….like a violin….and a guitar…which is more popular by far…this is not fun…Sakon is eating a cinnamon bun…," everyone turned to Sakon who was eating said pastry, "Uh yeah I'm done," finished Tayuya.

Silence…

Crickets…

"That was not youthful!" shouted Lee, who just happened to be there, "…and why are you dressed like a nun?"

"Well, you see…my dear friend Jirobo decided I needed to be reformed with my potty mouthing and whatnot. So he decided to…"

_Ding Dong, went the doorbell._

_Tayuya looked up from the "Chicken Soup for the Kunoichi's Soul" book she was reading._

_"Oi, anyone going to answer that?"_

_No one answered. She turned to Sakon who was sleeping on her shoulder._

_"Hey, shithead, wake up and open the door."_

_He subconsciously shifted his head a little, but didn't wake._

_Tayuya sighed. She got up and walked to the door. She opened it._

_"I don't want any shitty cooki—Holy shit!" Tayuya's eyes widened._

_"Watch your language, young lady. It is not proper for little girls to say such things," said a nun in a black habit. Two other nuns stood besides her nodding in agreement._

_"You sound like fat-ass."_

_"Watch your mouth! Oh and you mean your nice friend, Jirobo. Yes, such a good boy. He so kindly took time out of his day to come tell us about your need for religious reformation. He must care **a lot** about you," the nun winked._

_"First of all, I will not watch my freaking mouth, bitch. Second, Jirobo isn't as good as you think. Third, I don't need any damn reformation! Last, I already have a boyfriend!"_

_"Tsk. Tsk," said what seemed to be the lead nun, "I can see you will be a handful to handle. Well, see here, little missy, in this convent we don't tolerate any rebellion." The two nuns besides her nodded again._

_"I DON'T NEED A FREAKING CONVENT," screamed Tayuya, waving her arms around in frustration._

_"I can see you need to be disciplined," the nun opened her eye sharply to give Tayuya the evil eye. The nun whipped out a Super Soaker and shouted, "The power of Christ compels you!" Then she sprayed Tayuya with holy water. The force of the water threw the flute playing red-head to the ground._

_The nun placed her foot on the fallen Tayuya's stomach and pointed the Super Soaker at her face. "You shall call me Mother Sarah-sama. These two are Sister Carol and Sister Monica. You will do everything we tell you to," she paused, "Sister…Tayuya."_

_Tayuya's eyes bulged out of her head._

_"What the hell!"_

_"OI!" Mother Sarah sprayed holy water in Tayuya's mouth._

_Sakon finally woke up to the sound of Tayuya's coughing._

_"Hey, what's going on?" He observed the scene before him. Mother Sarah still had the Super Soaker pointed at Tayuya, though she wasn't stepping on her now. Sister Monica and Sister Carol just stood there…doing nothing…_

_Sakon got up and kneeled by Tayuya. He helped her to a sitting position and gently pounded her back to assist in the holy water removal…heh heh._

_"Oww…," moaned Tayuya after she had finally stopped coughing._

_"You alright?" asked Sakon, helping Tayuya to stand up. She leaned against him with her arm around his shoulders. His arm rested on her waist._

_"Okay what's this all about?" asked Sakon, staring at the nuns._

_"We're taking her away to a convent…Nothing to worry about," answered Mother Sarah, laughing nervously._

_Sakon looked from the nuns to Tayuya, nuns to Tayuya, nuns to Tayuya…and so on._

_"Good riddance," mumbled Ukon._

_"Oi!" yelled Sakon and Tayuya simultaneously._

_"Whoa…that boy has two heads!" gawked the nuns. _

_"How did that happen?" asked Sr. Carol and Sr. Monica, their eyes large like curious children._

_"Long story I'm not going to explain," said Sakon, "but long story short: he's my older brother…by like ten minutes."_

_…_

_…_

_"Can we just leave now?" asked Mother Sarah, "with her." She pointed to Tayuya._

_"Well, see ya, Tayuya."_

_A vein popped in Tayuya's head and her eye twitched. She opened her mouth to protest but found her lips quickly covered by Sakon's._

_Click. Flash._

_A weird snickering was heard as a certain snake sannin fled the scene of the crime._

_"Dude, you do realize Orochimaru just took a picture of you," informed Ukon._

_"What!" shouted Sakon and Tayuya, again, simultaneously._

"_Are they done yet?" asked Sr.Monica, who- along with Sr.Carol and Mother Sarah- was covering her eyes._

"_I think so," said Mother Sarah. She opened her eyes. "Yup. Okay, Sr. Tayuya, you're coming with us now."_

_Mother Sarah started to drag poor Tayuya away._

"_Bye, Tayuya-chan," waved Sakon with a smile._

"_Bye, Sakon…"_

"Yeah, so that's what happened," finished Tayuya, walking off the stage and taking her seat again.

"That was soooo unyouthful! Let me show you peoples what youth is all about!" shouted Lee.

"Yes Lee, let us show them!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Yo…green, spandex dudes…cough… if you're going to do something than do it already," said Hayate.

Gai and Lee blinked.

"Oh, right. Come on, youthful Lee! Let's sing!"

"Hai, Gai-sensei!"

Gai and Lee jumped on stage and each grabbed a microphone. Cue lights! Cue music! And…

"When I'm feeling lonely; sad as I can be. All by myself on an uncharted island in an endless sea," sang Gai.

"What makes me happy, fills me up with glee- those bones in my jaw that don't have a flaw: My Shiny Teeth and ME!" said Lee.

"My shiny teeth that twinkle just like the stars in space. My shiny teeth that sparkle, addin' beauty to my face. My shiny teeth that glisten just like a Christmas tree

You know they walk a mile just to see me smile. Woo! My Shiny Teeth and Me!" sang Gai and Lee together.

"Shiny teeth! Shiny teeth!" shouted the audience, minus a few people. Kankuro kept his mouth shut but was trying as hard as he could to stop his foot from tapping. Kiba was singing and shouting cheerfully. Back at the Sound table, everyone was singing except for Kimimaro, who just sat there…drinking a glass of milk…pretending he didn't know any of the people around him.

"Yes they're all so perfect, so white and pearly. Brush, Gargle, Rinse; a couple breath mints. My shiny teeth and me!" sang Lee.

"My shiny teeth so awesome just like my favorite song. My shiny teeth I floss them, so they grow to be real strong," sang Gai.

"My shiny teeth I love them, and they all love me. Why should I talk to you when I got 32? My shiny teeth and me," sang Lee.

"Shiny teeth! shiny teeth," sang the audience.

"My shiny teeth and me!" shouted Gai and Lee.

"Shiny teeth! shiny teeth," sang the audience.

There was a guitar solo played by yours truly, Mitarashi Anko!

"My shiny teeth that twinkle. Just like the stars in space. My shiny teeth that sparkle addin' beauty to my face," harmonized Gai and Lee, "My shiny teeth that glisten

just like a Christmas tree! You know they walk a mile just to see me smile! Woo! My Shiny Teeth and Me!"

"Shiny teeth shiny teeth!"

The music quickly subsided and Gai and Lee bowed to the audience.

Yes they were feeling cool…very cool…

"Hey! You call that music?!" shouted Kankuro, "I'll show you real entertainment! Come on, Kiba!" And with that said, Kankuro dragged Kiba, pushed Gai and Lee off the stage, and grabbed the microphone.

"One…Two…Three," Kankuro counted, then Kiba popped a CD into a radio and a catchy rap beat started playing.

"Okay everybody! I got a little something for y'all I like to call the Kankuro Rap!"

"Arf! Arf!" barked Akamaru.

"Yahoo!" shouted Kiba.

"You may know me as the guy dressed in black. The ultimate ninja, ready to attack. The master Puppeteer. Let me tell ya, listen here," rapped Kankuro, "rhyming is hard so I'll just go on, this shan't be long. Kankuro's the name!"

"These rhymes are lame!" interjected Kiba.

"Kiba, shut up! I'm trying my best! I'd like to see you improvise the rest!"

"Oh gladly I will! Your rhymes my will kill! Now, let's get this started. This song is now parted…from rap to homophonic melody!"

"Arf! Arf!"

Kiba started singing in melodic form.

"His name is Kankuro from the Village Hidden in Sand. He controls his puppets with his well trained hand. He has the power some only wish for…the body girls adore! He always leaves us wanting more. Strings and face paint! Kankuro galore!

"Arf!"

"I'm the hero of Sand. The Ultimate man. I'm ruthless and cunning. They never see it coming. Quick as lightning, loud as thunder. I pillage and plunder…with my powerful puppets. They're better than the Muppets! I'm cooler than Gaara, or that lazy bum Nara," rapped Kankuro.

"I'm sure Temari thinks otherwise. Now let's turn back time counterclockwise…to that wonderful chorus I made up before. The one I'm sure we just all adore," rapped Kiba.

"Arf! Arf!"

"His name is Kankuro from the Village hidden in Sand. He controls his puppets with his well trained hand. He has the power some only wish for…the body girls adore! He always leaves us wanting more. Strings and face paint! Kankuro galore!"

Then they started to cheer.

"I'm funny! I'm great! No one can debate!"

"He's cool! He's strong! No one can relate!"

"I'm hot, you're not!"

"His nose is full of snot!"

"What the hell was that?!"

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a rhyme!"

"Whatever I don't have the time…"

"ARF!" barked Akamaru to get them to continue.

"Ohhh! His name is Kankuro from the village hidden in sand," sang Kiba and Kankuro together, "He controls his puppets with his well trained hand. He has the power some only wish for…the body girls adore! He always leaves us wanting more. Strings and face paint. Kankuro galore!"

"And that my friends…was the Kankuro rap!" shouted Kankuro. The sound of a gong finished the song and Kiba put away the CD.

The audience started clapping. Kiba and Kankuro bowed. Hayate walked back onto the stage excitedly. He grabbed the microphone.

"Well, I think it's obvious who is the winner of this bout…cough… Kankuro, Kiba, and Akamaru win this match without a doubt," he announced.

"Hayate, dude, this wasn't a competition," said the guy at the coffee counter.

Hayate blinked.

"Oh right…I guess I'm just used to it."

Silence…

"Oh my gosh! Hayate, I love you!" shouted a random fangirl.

"I'm sorry…cough…but I'm sort of seeing someone now."

"Who is this woman? I'll kill her!"

"I can't tell you that…cough…due to the fact that you just threatened to kill her."

"Hayate, dude, get off the stage," said the coffee counter guy.

Hayate frowned, put the microphone back on its stand, and walked off the stage to grab a cup of coffee and  
be harassed by fangirls.

Back at Kiba's and Kankuro's table…

"Oops!" exclaimed Kiba, as he spilled the salt.

"Kiba…you spilled salt…on Friday the Thirteenth! Hahahaha—"  
"There is nothing funny about that," scolded Neji, who had appeared out of nowhere, "He's in serious danger!"

"Neji…," panted Tenten, "please…" She fell to the ground in exhaustion and continued to breathe heavily.

"Quick! Throw the salt over your left shoulder!"

Kankuro and Kiba stared at the crazed Hyuuga with wide eyes.

After a few moments, Neji realized Kiba wasn't listening…

"NOW!" The café shook.

"Okay! Okay!" Kiba threw salt over his shoulder.

"YOUR LEFT SHOULDER!"

"Geez, Kiba, don't you know your directions?" teased Kankuro.

Kiba glared at Kankuro, before throwing salt over his left shoulder.

"ARGH!" screamed Tenten, "You got salt in my eye!"

"Tenten! I told you today would be unlucky but you did not listen," lectured Neji, "Next time you should pay attention to me!"

Neji continued to lecture as Tenten screamed in pain…

"Kankuro, let's just leave now, okay?"

"I'm with ya, Kiba."

And the two walked into the sunset…Oops! Sorry! Thinking of Gai and Lee here! So Kiba and Kankuro walked through the door and into the busy streets. Kiba caught sight of the butterfly he had been watching earlier and followed it. Kankuro followed Kiba. Akamaru rode on Kiba's head.

* * *

The water swooshed below them. The cherry blossoms drifted over head on the calm afternoon breeze. The sun shone down in a pinkish tint, indicating that the sun was starting to set. Kiba, Kankuro, and Akamaru decided to stop on this lovely bridge and enjoy the view.

Kankuro yawned.

"Hey, Kiba."

"Hn?"

"It's getting late. I'm going to go home," Kankuro said, petting Akamaru as a farewell gesture.

Kiba nodded.

"Yeah I guess so…Bye Kitty-cat."

"Bye, Home-dawg."

They started to go their separate ways when…

"Oi, stop right there!"

Kiba, Kankuro, and Akamaru turned around in surprise. Their mouths dropped and their eyes bulged when they saw who was there.

"Oh my gosh! Neji, are you stalking us?!" exclaimed Kankuro.

"No! I am merely protecting the good folks of Konoha from the inevitable bad luck of fate!" Neji's hair blew in the breeze as the setting sun behind him flattered his dramatic pose…dramatic music played and then!...the record stopped because of an interruption from yours truly, Tenten.

Tenten snored and slightly shifted her position on Neji's back, who was currently giving her a piggyback.

Neji regained his composure and coughed to get Kiba's and Kankuro's attention.

"Ahem…anyway, guys…" The Hyuuga looked up and realized…that Kankuro and Kiba were gone!

Neji gasped and flailed his arms. This sudden movement caused Tenten to fall off his back and fall to the ground with a thud.

"Ouch!

Tenten was about to yell, but noticed the stream of tears coming from Neji's eyes.

"What's wrong, Neji?" asked Tenten, with concern in her eyes. It wasn't very often Neji Hyuuga broke down in tears.

She walked toward him. Neji hugged her and cried on her shoulder.

"Sob…they left before I could warn them…"

"There there," Tenten patted him on the back.

"This is bad…Don't they know if you say good-bye to a friend on a bridge you'll never see them again!?"

**and its over! pant pant and its only 2 in the morning! lol. as you can see this was supposed to be done by Friday the 13th(almost 4 months ago lol) sorry this one was so late...but schoolwork and writer's block is not a good combination. so i apologize for the lateness and any grammar/spelling mistakes. i still think chap 2 was better though...**

**btw, Sr.Monica (hate her) and Sr. Carol(she's kinda cool) are actual nuns at my school. lol. i couldn't think of names so i took the lazy route. Hope you enjoyed! i thought it was funny how they were like cluless sidekicks lol. **

**please review!**

**hugs and kisses!**

**Jesshiku-chan**


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